Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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