he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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