I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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