It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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