Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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