is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
