My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
