she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
