i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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