Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
