i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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