I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
