"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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