he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
