So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
