Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
