Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We talked him into tasing himself.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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