he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
