What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
