I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
