Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
