I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do herpes really smell.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
