hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
