You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
