Your face is a jimmy john
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
