Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
