I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
