my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
