so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
