A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm really busy with my period
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