the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
