I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
