Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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