i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
