the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
