i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
please don't ironically join a cult
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