Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
