the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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