She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
