he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I looked at my own cervix.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So squirting runs in the family.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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