OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
