Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
