don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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