You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
