he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did i walk over a car last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
