your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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