Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
