im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am mentally ready for anal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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