Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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