it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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